


Cat-astrophic Problems and Utter Mew-sery

by DepressedInPants



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: AU, Adrien does not starve himself in my fic so dont worry about hunger boy, Adrien is also super hot here, Adrien is oblivious as always, Alya is the OG, But not like an IDEA idea, Crack, DaddyAgrestLivesOnInMe, F/M, FUK, He'll get a whole description one day, Hot Mess Marinette Dupain-Cheng, I have an idea, Just maybe, LetAdrienEat2k19, Marinette has a secret, Maybe - Freeform, Not Like That, Probably Free Form, Protect Adrien Agreste, So be warned, This is all honestly 2am haze, Well - Freeform, blonde fetish crack probably, but like i write a lot, but not like that, did i do the tags right?, however, i lay that on pretty thick, i might do a proper fic, i put the M rating because not even I am sure where my haze is leading to, i wish, k - Freeform, let's do some kind of specific crack, lets do this crap yall, like mass amounts of sin, lots of sin, marinette has a cat, maybe boob crack, might wanna add more just to be sure, oh fuk im going to have to do like proper tags arent i?, plagg's cute here, probably gang something later on, sin - Freeform, so im going to tag that, so who knows, this is definitely going to be crack, uhh, until then, what else is happening here, what else is there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-19 17:05:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17605388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressedInPants/pseuds/DepressedInPants
Summary: AU, Adrien never went to school with Marinette, so they've never met. Basically I have an idea but not really an IDEA idea. Marinette has a secret and it starts affecting her love life. Mari still has a thing for blondes? K. Probably a lot of fluff and crack. Ride my downfall with me sin-amonrolls, there's no stopping this train now. I think I left my dignity back in middle school.





	1. Some Claw-ful Mew-mosas

**Author's Note:**

> Alright sin-amonrolls, I have no dignity left to defend so, glad we left that crap behind where it belongs, now, since I've been waiting for my fave writters to finish their fics, I just decided to write my own so I can have sin, fluff, and absolute crack on my own schedule. No one dictates my crack schedule except me y'all.

Waiting at the bar, in a club, for her friend, who had abandoned her in favor of the dance floor wasn't in her comfort zone. In fact, it fell directly into her uncomfort zone. She sipped her drink and smiled but this was foreign to her, being… social.

She had tried, truly, but the party scene just wasn't for her, she accompanied her friend out, but often she drove home alone with Alya deciding she had more important things to do, or rather, people to do.

She saw an overly-inebriated man making his way over to her with as much grace as a giraffe on roller skates.

She wished Alya would get her ass off the dance floor, this really wasn't something she should be forced to deal with on her own, and honestly she is about .4 seconds from bolting without any regard for her friend.

That was… until she saw him.

In this place of filth and rather questionable dignity, a golden-haired answer to her problems brushed past her, smelling of mint and catching her attention so profoundly she wondered how he didn't have a beacon shining from his brightly-colored locks.

_Go get that di-_

Okay no.

No.

Bad Marinette.

...but maybe introducing herself wouldn't hurt anyone.

She watched him waltz around the twerk-floor towards the DJ, waving him down and saying something to him, before strutting through the almost-hidden door behind the DJ and disappearing from view.

Well now that wouldn't do, he needed to come back.

She waited around, ordered another drink, saw the drunk man get distracted by a bigger butt who crossed his path and forget about her, before she almost gave up hope of seeing her light-haired angel. Almost.

She turned back towards the bar and was about to pay her tab and leave when she heard someone say something to her.

"Sorry?" Turning around she braced herself to face anything in her way, but thoroughly surprised and delighted to find the mysterious sandy-haired man standing behind her in all his previously observed glory.

"I said, 'Can I grab my drink?'" He said, gesturing to the untouched beverage behind her shoulder with a crooked smile blessing his features.

"Oh, ha ha yeah of course, just let me get under you- i m-mean get you in me- I mean, shit, not in me out of me, no not o-out of me, I mean crap let ME get out of YOU, no let me get out of your way!" She abruptly jumped to the side, almost toppling over if it weren't for her savior's steadying hands and amused features making her wish she was never born.

"You okay there? Or do you still need me to get out of you?" His face barely holding in his laughs that anyone could see were desperately wanting to break his composure.

"Uhh, no, I'm fine, let me just…" she trailed of mumbling the last words and slowly backed herself against the bar, only stopping when her spine bumped into the tabletop and stopped her tactful retreat from the worst fail in human history.

"Hm, would you like to join me up in the VIP section? I think I'd like to talk to you a bit more my dear." He flashed a 1000 watt smile ad nearly scorched her heart upon seeing it.

"Y-yeah okay…" She ended with a small fit of giggles and almost broke her haze right then.

The strange god-like man in front her leaned forward, very slowly, gaining ground towards her face, and just as she started to lean in and close her eyes, she collided with his shoulder as he reached over her and grabbed his aforementioned drink. Stepping back and looking at her he seemed rather mirthful with a small twinkle in his eye.

Marinette quietly cursed herself under her breathe before grabbing her drink and gesturing for him to lead the way.

Chuckling quietly he turned and started a jagged path back towards the DJ before slipping behind the booth. In an effort to not be left behind, Marinette moved twice as fast and turned behind the booth only to bump into a certain sculpted chest.

"Uh sorry I didn't mean to hit on you, I mean hit you!" SHe turned a new shade of red and stared down at her shoes.

Her embarrassed trance was broken by a gentle knuckle under her chin drawing her gaze up and a smirk plastered ona perfect face, "You can hit on me anytime gorgeous."

_Was he perfect?_

Yes, he is flawless in every way and you should really jump on his d-.

_Marinette no._

Marinette yes, one accident and he's in your life forever, just think ab-

"No!"

"Uhh, okay, sorry."

Crap. Looking up she saw emeralds staring down at her, confused and oh-so perfectly uncomfortable.

Wait what?

"Oh uh sorry I didn't mean no, I meant uh I'll keep that in mind?" That ended as a question but he seemed glad with the answer.

Casting a killer smirk in her direction he turned around and swept back the curtain blocking the VIP entrance before grabbing her hand and pulling her along behind him.

Looking round she realized he had taken her to a smaller room with a large couch and a glass wall facing over the dance floor. Weird how she didn't notice this place before.

Searching the crowd, she noticed Alya on the other side of the glass, looking in her direction.

Turning towards it she smiled and gave a little wave, only to be interrupted by a low chuckle. Glancing towards the source of said chuckle she found a sinful devil giving her a charming smile from atop the pile of pillows covering the surface of the couch.

Crossing her arms, but careful not to spill her drink, she regarded him, "What's so funny?".

"Oh nothing besides the fact that it's a double-sided mirror, so whoever you waved at most certainly can't see you." He finished with a knowing look before sipping nonchalantly on his drink, "But please, do go on."

"I… knew that…" She, too, sipped her drink, if only to not meet his gaze.

He, however, let out another belt of low, ache-producing chuckles that caught her attention before she could stop herself.

"Want to join me over here?" He stretched in a cat-like lazy fashion and looked like that couch was the most comfortable thing in the entire world.

Nodding slowly, Marinette slowly made her way towards the couch before sitting and crossing her legs.

"So tell me beautiful, what do I have to do to put a name to your flawless face?"

_Shit that was smooth._

Well, you can play this game…

"Show me yours and I'll show you mine… maybe." biting her lip she drew out her final gesture with uncrossing her legs and draping herself over the back of the couch in a rather un-Marinette fashion.

His eyebrows shot up into his hair and a look of deviousness overtook his face.

"What would be my incentive of giving in first?" He leaned towards her with a downright sinful expression spread across his features.

"Why don't you tell me and find out what your reward is afterwards?" Drawing out the last word with half-lidded eyes, she too leaned in.

"Would you like me to spell it out for you?" He glanced down at her lips.

"Only if you know how to use those lips of yours." She stared at his lips too now.

"Well, they call me Adrien." He moved towards her a bit more and she couldn't help but take notice of the rapidly deteriorating distance between their noses.

With low eyelids she brushed her nose against his so softly it might've been the wind, "Adrien… hmm… do I know you from somewhere?"

He gaze never left her lips, slowly closing the distance, he murmured so quietly I almost missed it, "Probably, I'm a model for Agreste…"

Then their lips connected so softly she almost didn't hear what he said all together.

_Agreste…_

He pushed towards her with more fervor, gently brushing his fingers over and back on her jaw until they rested behind her jaw. Tilting up she felt him scoot closer to her.

_Adrien Agreste?_

She pulled back suddenly.

_Shit._

"I got to go." Standing up she turned and started towards the curtain towards her escape route only to her her hand anchor her back. She turned towards the thing stopping her only to find Adrien's hand in hers and his confused face staring up at her.

"Wait, what, why?" His face looked sinful, and she had to leave, now.

"Uh, my cat has been stuck inside, I have to go walk him." Pulling her hand from his grip she turned and started almost jogging out of the room, ignoring his protest that sounded a lot like 'You don't walk cats!' and rushed towards Alya the moment she saw her on the dance floor.

"Alya, we gotta go, Adrien Agreste is here." Her pleading face broke Alya's dance and she sobered up in record time.

"Say no more girl." She reassured before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the exit.

If only she was lucky enough.

Something rushed into her and blocked her escape with perplexed emeralds.

"Okay I'm sorry, what did I do wrong there?" He stood a bit taller and completely barricaded her exit. Alya stared at her in panic, gesturing for her to hurry up.

"You didn't do anything, it was a me thing, I have to go." She slipped past him and bolted for the door with Alya by her side, finally bursting into the cool Parisian night and not stopping until she reached her car.

"How many drinks have you had?" She implored, shooting a glancing towards the club entrance and seeing a puzzled angel burst from it's doors, scanning the crowd.

"Just one a while ago, want me to drive?"

"Yes please."

Getting into the car, Alya started the engine and took off.

"Did he find out who you are?"

"Ha, no, I got out of there before he did."

"Good girl."

They drove silent away from the club. Alya quietly humming to the music over the radio, and Marinette staring back the way they came, imagining golden hair and burning green eyes.

**oOo**

Adrien was more than confused, he was confused and horny, and he didn't know where the hell that goddess ran off to. Just when things were getting interesting too.

Staying outside and looking over the cars in the parking lot he waited for any signs of movement for a few minutes more before he gave up his search and walked back into the club.

He grabbed a new drink and headed towards the DJ booth and held the drink out to Nino.

Taking off his headphones, Nino stooped down, and, seeing the drink as an offering, quickly changed the music to one of his presets before jumping down the join his buddy and whisking his troubled golden boy into the VIP for deliberation.

"What happened to that blue-eyed vixen you had back here not even 10 minutes ago, bro? You chase her off?" His mocha-colored friend took the offered drink and started drinking like it was the end of the world.

"I don't know dude, we kissed and then she like jumped up and said she had to go walk her cat and took off with her friend." Adrien stared down at his lap and the persistence of his smaller friend didn't help his confusion.

Nino almost spit up his drink, "She what?"

Hunching over more he grit out, "She had to go walk her cat." And ended it with a displeased frown and more confusion.

Nino, however, was laughing like he just heard the world's funniest joke.

"Oh my lord dude, ha! That's actually fricking priceless! Ha oh, like for real, where the hell did that come from?" shit-eating grin in place, Nino wiped away a tear and barely pulled himself together.

"I don't know dude, she seemed into the kiss, hell, she basically initiated it!" He threw his hands up like a frustrated child throwing a tantrum.

"Chill Agreste, she probably just got intimidated by the whole model thing, did you tell her you were a model?"

Thinking back he realized he did, just before they kissed, "Oh… yeah, right before we kissed."

"Well there ya go dude!" Nino handed him his empty glass and stood up, effectively ending the conversation, "I told you the chicks freak out over the whole model thing, you should really stopped strutting on that."

"Yeah I know…" Grabbing the drink from his friend he gave him a scrutinizing look, "Did you even taste this drink before you inhaled it?"

"Nope, straight down the hatch without any considerations." Nino gave him an easy smile and clapped him on the back a few times before turning to the curtain and walking towards them with laid-back steps.

"Weird flex, but okay." Grinning Adrien joined him and followed him through the curtains, listening to Nino's laugh echo through the quickly emptying back room.


	2. Un-fur-tunate Series Of Events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to add the second chapter on the same day cause honestly I'm wide awake right now and AO3 is like a week behind my fanfiction account cause I'm lazy af, so i just decided to merge them and keep them on par with one another just to keep it easier. So angsty boi commence.
> 
> Enjoy ya sin-amonrolls.

Waking up in anywhere but your own bed is already an off putting sensation. Waking up on a couch that is most definitely not your bed, or anyone else's bed is borderline relieving... as well as infinitely more concerning. Waking up with your face pressed against someone else's boobs while also on a couch you fail to recognize sans any actual bed is the most concerning of all.

All of these rather slow-to-process clues led Marinette upon one ultimate reaction. To jerk her whole body as quickly as possible so as to make sure her brain didn't catch up before her actions, she threw both her and Alya directly onto their asses on the hardwood floor.

Well, Alya onto her ass, Marinette, however, was condemned to do everything the hard way. And by hard way it could be implied that she broke her fall with her face.

"What the shit Mari?!"

"Oh fuck there goes any career I had in modeling."

Alya blinked down at her and her rapidly bleeding nose and only huffed. Muttering something about 'getting what she deserved' as she righted herself, and stomped her way into her kitchenette to make coffee for herself, then "accidentally" spill the rest of it down the sink before Marinette caught up.

Sipping her coffee and watching her klutz of a best friend stuff tissues up her nose, Alya took pity and only spilled half the coffee before sitting down to minimize casualties when Marinette did arrive on scene.

"Hey sweetie, no blood on the upholstery please? I rent." Smirking in a bemused manner, she held the cup over my mouth and hoped she hid her expression well. However, the sour look received from said openly-bleeding bluenette proved her previous hopes wrong.

Grabbing a cup of coffee and working around tissues, Alya witnessed something akin to a baby animal trying solid food for the first time. There was a fair amount of spilt liquid, only a tiny bit of choking, and finally, a look that said she never wanted to attempt this particular activity once more.

"How did you even run into the Agreste boy last night anyway Mari?" Pulling her best indifferent journalist face she pretended to check her phone while really listening intently to any answer given.

"Look, I thought he looked reasonably good-"

"So you thought you found the one?"

"-and he seemed to deem me appropriately attractive-"

"He wanted to tap that? Marinette you dog!"

"-and he brought me into their back VIP room, and one thing led to another-

"You jumped on his di-"

"AND I REALIZED MY MISTAKE."

In a huff she finished her explanation and haughtily crossed her arms.

"Wait Mari, please don't tell me you fucked the Agreste boy?"

"Oh mon dieu, no, we kissed, barely, then I realized he was an Agreste and I promptly left with all my dignity in tact, thank you very much."

"So you only saw his penis then realized the lineage? Ouch. No wonder he tried to stop you from leaving." Alya cringed, definitely trying to hide her teasing smile.

"No Alya, I literally barely kissed him, then my barely drunk brain pieced together when he told me he worked for Agreste as a model and that his first name was Adrien."

"Wow, you made it to foreplay before you realized? How naive of you."`

"You crass ass bitch. He was hot, I was feeling it, then i realized his connections so I got you and left."

"Uh huh, sure." She takes a slow drink from her coffee.

"You realize we can never go back to that club again right?"

Suddenly and not-so-surprisingly Marinette is now wearing the coffee that once inhabited Alya's mouth.

"Not cool."

Alya simply shrugged and barely contained her laughs.

Huffing, she got up, and went to Alya's bedroom to raid her clothes.

**oOo**

Adrien woke up with only a massive migraine at precisely 1:43 PM and exactly all of the light from his windows making him wish he didn't wake up at all. So today was going well.

Groaning and cradling his throbbing head he raises to sit only to realize that is exactly the kind of activity he does not want to do. Eventually relenting, he goes back to a lying position on his rather too-large-for-only-him king sized bed.

Feeling around his bedside table he finds his phone and, after blinking through the pain like a champ, he eventually sees the 13 missed calls from Natalie and the 8 message notifications from Nino.

Upon further thought, maybe he should hunt for his Advil.

Rolling over he opens the drawer of his bedside and strategically flops his hand around the inside until her feel a pill bottle under his hand, and, propping himself up, he pops a few pills before flopping down and waiting for the swimming feeling to dissipate before he moves again.

**oOo**

After raiding Alya's clothing, Marinette set out on a nice stroll away from her friend's apartment so she can pick up breakfast and eventually go home to check on her cat.

She strided down the street, bathed in the nice Parisian afternoon. Checking her phone she sees the time is 11:37, perfect for this peaceful thursday she supposed.

Maybe nice enough to take the detour through the park?

_Yeah, that'd be lovely actually._

Hands in pockets and just sauntering towards her destination, she often forgot just how gorgeous the city she resided in really was.

The blue-ish almost purple-tinted hue of the sky slanting into the vibrant greens and pale pinks of the flora and architecture almost made her emotional. Almost.

Lost in thought, her mind turned the green tree tops and rays of sun into another green accented golden boy.

She shouldn't have let herself get so carried away last night, but honestly, she never felt so flustered in anyone's presence, ever. She'd never been one to stutter, and after her awkward teenage years she became quite adept at holding her own and keeping herself composed.

She was perfectly capable of charming her way through social situations, but she loathed it, it was like walking versus running, why exert all the energy when you could take your time and use less energy?

Adrien had smelled like freshly carved mistakes, all rolled up in a true-to-his-form sin-amonroll. And she was enamored in the worst of ways,

She wanted him around to throw her off, keep her on her toes, make her feel awake in every sense of the word. No one had ever made her positively thrum with life as he had last night, and she had been drunk on more than alcohol.

But why did he have to be an Agreste? The world was so unfair.

Abruptly halting her thoughts, she found herself at her parent's bakery.

Pushing herself inside she nosed around the shelves until the few customers meandering around the shop had dissipated and she could finally address her parents in relative solitude.

"Hi Papa!"

Her dad jumped up at the sound of her voice before rushing to envelope the relatively small girl in a bone crushing hug.

"My Marinette! Where have you been? I haven't seen you for oh so long!"

Smiling she broke free for air and laughed with her whole body, positively amused at his theatrics, "Papa! It's only been a week!"

"A week too long if you ask me."

Shaking her head she drifted back to the counter with her Papa on her tail, until she started climbing the small staircase leading up to the house section of the building.

"Is Maman upstairs?"

"Uh yes, she's a bit ill with a cold, so do keep your voice down." He then turned back to the counter, releasing her to explore the house without a second shadow.

Climbing the steps two at a time and finally by passing the second floor and onto the third. Marinette peeked through the door to the apartment, and genuinely surprised to not find her mother in the kitchen or living room.

Guessing her mother really must not be feeling well she turned tail and headed downstairs to her parent's bedroom before knocking on the door and hearing a small 'Come in' from inside.

Entering with little to no sound, she came into the room and softly closed the door behind her before approaching her mother's half-asleeping form snuggled into the bed.

"Hey Maman, howya feeling?" She ran her fingers feather-light over her mother's forehead, brushing her hair away and feeling for a fever. Relieved to find no heat radiating off her, she withdrew her hand and crouched beside the bed.

"I'm fine Marinette, just a bit under the weather, how're you doing these days?"

"Fairly good, Plagg is being needy as always and I had a very strange run-in with a particular Agreste last night, but otherwise it's all been good."

Her mother seemed to perk up at that, "Agreste? As in Adrien or Gabriel?"

"Adrien, I had no idea who he was."

"You mean you had no idea he was easy on the eyes and even easier on the pick-up lines?"

Giving her a look that said 'Really?' both mother and daughter engaged in a battle of wills through sight alone with a particular not-ill Dupain-Cheng the ruling victor.

"I just stopped by to grab some breakfast before I headed home to Plagg, so I should probably get going soon before he pees on my bed and pretends like I deserve it," At that, her mother huffed out a painful sounding cough, "Unless you need me for anything?"

"When was the last time he saw you?"

"...yesterday afternoon?" Cringing at her own answer she realizes maybe Plagg wouldn't be in the bad afterall.

"Then you do deserve it." Laughing, Marinette kissed her mother's forehead before turning and heading towards the door, stopping when she heard her mother speak up again, "Oh, and Marinette?"

"Yes Maman?"

"There's something going down tonight and though I doubt they'll need your assistance, I highly suggest you stay indoors tonight, alright?"

"Yes Maman."

"Love you."

"Love you too." Then she closed the door.

**oOo**

Finally letting go of the theory that the word was created to bring him down, Adrien finally found it in himself to trudge from his bed to his bathroom and start his morning. Afternoon? Late evening? Who knows.

Brushing his teeth and ruffling his hair in a less i-slept-in-until-4 look, and more sex-hair style, he exited the bathroom and headed to the kitchen for some much needed power food.

His stomach growled in protest to the cruel and way-too-usual practice of sleeping instead of eating and he chuckled to himself before grabbing an apple and biting into it with a rather satisfying snap.

Deciding an apple wasn't enough food to satisfy his hunger, he finished the apple with practiced ease before heading back to his bedroom.

Throwing on a shirt and jogger pants, Adrien exited his apartment and set for a nice jog down the street, looking for a boulangerie or anything of the sort, he came across a cute corner bakery that seemed adequate for his growing demand for food.

Walking into the boulangerie with minimal sweat on his brow, he grabbed a few choice pastries off the shelves closest to the entrance before heading to the counter and getting ready to order a few more for the next few days.

He glanced up at the worker only to see a mountain of a man staring at him in a rather off-putting and almost angrily confused fashion.

"Eh uh, hello, can I get a half dozen croissants and all of these?" Powering through the awkward expression on the monsieur's face, he set down the pastries he held onto the counter before reaching into his back pocket and fishing for his wallet.

The abrasive man grunted, and turned away from him to fix his order up, Adrien just assuming that he came across a rather unpleasant customer prior to him, thought nothing of the rude behavior.

"That'll be 38€" Glancing up, Adrien was surprised to see more anger on the man's face, and, handing him the money, quickly grabbed his food and hurried to leave.

_What a weird man…_

Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he continued his stroll and chose to push the interaction out of his head.

Galavanting through the city, he took in the parisian evening and didn't notice when he happened to turn down a relatively large alley.

**oOo**

Arriving home, Marinette locked her door and took of her sweater, ready for a night in when she noticed two things.

First, The door to her balcony was barely cracked open and that was gonna to be a bitch to her heater bill.

Second, it was quiet. Too quiet.

"Plagg?" Walking around the small living space she hurried rushed between her bedroom, the living room, and the kitchenette, finding nor hide or head of her beloved black cat.

"Plagg?!" At the point of yelling now, she checked and rechecked every place Plagg had even so much as sniffed and rushed between all of them before coming to the conclusion that her goofy feline was nowhere to be found.

"Plagg!" She ran towards her balcony and pushed the doors open, finding no black fur and no midnight colored animal in sight.

Tears beginning to fall, she rushed towards the balcony railing and almost tipped over trying to scan the ground below her outdoor section.

"Plagg! Please…" Pitiful whimpers breaking from her throat, she continued to scan the ground below, wiping away the cascade of tears now, before hurrying to her front door and leaving her apartment, leaving her jacket behind in her haste.

**oOo**

Walking through the alley, Adrien almost didn't notice the small noises coming from a stacked box against the brick wall.

"Hm…?" Carefulled treading towards the boxes, he heard a pitiful mewl whine into existence from behind the box before producing a rather small black cat.

"Oh. Hello there." Reaching out, he offered his hand to the cat, mildly surprised to see the cat push his face against his outstretched hand.

Petting behind his ears, Adrien swooped down and scooped up the small miracle, before hurrying out of the alley.

**oOo**

"Plagg!" Calling desperately, Marinette ran down any al all streets around her house, searching every crevice, trying to find her elusive dark-colored companion.

She searched for hours, until finally she heeded her mother's warning and begrudgingly resigned back to her apartment, dejectedly dragging her feet.

Getting back to her apartment she opened her phone up and quickly navigated to all animal shelters in the area, searching desperately for any cats even half fitting her beloved's description, but to no avail.

Tears free flowing now, she retired to her bedroom and continued her search, until she fell asleep with mascara stained pillow and a feeling of loneliness she couldn't even begin to suppress.

**oOo**

Rushing into his apartment, Adrien quickly closed the door and set the pastries and the small bundle down.

"Why hello there, what's your name?"

The cat let out a small cry.

"Well that doesn't help me now, does it?"

Reaching forward, he began petting behind the cat's ears before navigating to the small collar attached to the precious baby's neck.

Nothing but a phone number and a bell. Huh.

Picking up his cell he rang the number, but no answer, trying a second time gave the same result.

"Well it seems you parents are very hard to get ahold of aren't they?"

A small meow was the only response he got.

"Okay well… let's see if we have anything that you might be interested in eating, yeah?"

Getting up Adrien headed to his fridge with the small cat following closely behind, his tail flicking in the air lazily as they entered the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Adrien baby, Mari just ignore every attempt he makes... :)
> 
> I love watching the golden child suffer, he just, ugh, love it.
> 
> Also poor mari, she just a sad boi, and i totally maybe kinda based it off of when i lost my baby cat boy jack.
> 
> Follow my twitter for terrible humor. Or don't. I won't lose sleep at night if ya don't.
> 
> Wild.


	3. Feline Better Now Marinette?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was written at 11:00 pm on a thursday, and it shows. owever, no mind to any of that information.
> 
> I'm here for the drama, so let's get some drama y'all.

“Well you’re a little shit aren’t you?” Was the only appropriate response Adrien could conjured to waking up with a rather heavy paw pressed directly into his sternum on an otherwise perfect Parisian morning.

 

A meow was the only response.  _ Lovely. _

 

Gently moving the lovely bundle of pure lead off of his diaphragm to allow air back into his lungs, Adrien sat up and began his day as normal. Brush teeth, sex hair, to the kitchen. 

 

However, this time was a bit different. Brushing his teeth was difficult due to the small barrier that paws became when pushed directly into the end of the toothbrush. Sex hair became homeless hair when a kitten thought it so appropriate. Breakfast for him became breakfast for all.

 

So it was going great.

 

Deciding that kicking out a lost cat before lunch was rather rude, he instead picked up his phone and recalled his mysterious company’s owner only to once again be sent back to voicemail.

 

“Well then, your family really is one elusive force aren’t they?” Not expecting a response, and receiving his expectations, Adrien got up and decided to go out for a jog before he tried to call the parent’s of his guest a second time.

 

**oOo**

 

Acne. Everywhere. Her pores hurt, her eyes were sore, and her once neat hair was non-existent in this reality.

 

Forcing herself to her feet, Marinette trudged to her kitchen and got herself a glass of water. Once sipping the much need refreshment, she heard her phone begin to ring somewhere in the next room over and, curiously but with no haste, dragged her tired feet into her bedroom and rummaged around for her phone.

 

_ Where is it? _

 

She searched a bit more before getting tired, and eventually accepting her lost phone. Finally retiring to her laptop to make some lost cat posters.

 

After successfully designing and printing a few million (60) Lost Cat posters, she gathered her papers and set to leave her apartment, when she was stopped by her phone ringing again.

 

Ruffingly through her bed, she rather violently shook her comforter until she heard a thump from the opposing side of her bed.

 

“Found it…” Muttering lowly she slowly walked around the sleep surface to reveal her misplaced device laying face down on the hardwood floors.

 

Flipping it over it revealed a number she didn’t know trying to reach her and, deciding fate was already screwing with her, swiped the call button and lifted the phone to her face.

 

“Hel..lo? Grimacing at her own inability to properly talk, she cleared her throat and repeated a bit clearer, “Hello?”

 

“Oh! You answered!” Was shouted in her ear, sounding to come from a young man, followed by innumerable things banging in the background before, “Uh hi, I didn’t actually expect you to pick up, you are one hard lady to get ahold of, haha”

 

He seemed to cringe at his own awkward laugh.

 

“Uh yeah, I was uh, who is this exactly?” TIlting her head a bit, Marinette left her bedroom and walked out onto her balcony, needing some fresh air for this confusing conversation.

 

“Oh! Shit, uh, yeah sorry, I, uh, kinda found I guess what would be your cat, like, uh-” Bolting upright she almost threw her phone, she interrupted him immediately.

 

“Oh mon dieu! You found Plagg?!”

 

“Plagg? Huh, cute name for this little rascal, uh yeah i found him last night and uh, he’s at my apartment right now.”

 

“This is amazing oh my I thought I lost him and I have been ugly crying all night and I just, where do you live? I’ll come pick him up!”

 

Screaming that last word, Marinette lunged for the underused notepad sitting on her desk and scrambled for a working pen.

 

“Oh haha, uh I’ll just text it to you, are you heading over now?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll leave now.”

 

“Uh.. okay, see you soon?” He chuckled awkwardly.

 

“Yep, text me your address okay bye.”

 

Hanging up and not giving him any longer to prolong her reunion with her baby, Marinette grabbed her cat carrier and nearly flew down the stairs of her apartment building.

 

Glancing down at her phone, she saw a text pop up on her screen containing the location of her lost child at an apartment building far out of her price range about 6 blocks away. She remembered the name of the apartment from when she had been house hunting.

 

Plagg’s guardian angel must be pretty well off?

 

Nearly sprinting down the street, she entertained some rather lewd thought concerning a rather… ahem,  _ appreciative  _ thank you, to the man currently watching after Plagg.

 

Shaking her head she focused solely on moving quickly and arrived in record time before unceremoniously flying up the stairs, completely skipping the elevator, and madly searching for the apartment number.

 

Taking a breath to calm her nerves, she toned down her frantic scrambling to fast-paced walking and scanned her eyes back and forth for the apartment number.

 

321… 323… 325!

 

_ Finally! _

 

Steadying herself, she flattened her hair and raised her mildly shaking hand, before rasping her knuckles twice against the door of her savior.

 

This man was truly her angel. Coming to her in her time of need. Fixing her problems. Some might even say he was utterly shirtless.

 

_ Wait what? _

 

Standing before her was none other than her golden sin and darkest desire, half naked, with only a towel covering his hips, and more-than-enough wet-dream-inducing water dripping down his shoulders.

 

“Hey I’m sorry, I had just gotten back from my run and thought I had some ti-” 

 

Finally looking up, eyes blown into beautiful green orbs, he seemed to recognize her. Not moving a muscle, eyes locked in mutual surprise, she knew she was absolutely fucked.

 

**oOo**

 

Hearing a knock at his door and just turning the shower faucet off, Adrien panicked.

 

Mildly.

 

Grabbing a towel and quickly tucking it around his hips, he power walked to his front door and opened it, staring down at his feet and pulling his best apologetic expression onto his face.

 

“Hey I’m sorry, I had just gotten back from my run and thought I had some ti-” 

 

Eyes locking onto her all too familiar features, Adrien recognized her immediately.

 

The girl who had haunted his dreams the past two nights, cerulean eyes burned into the back of his skull, he locked gazes and couldn’t find it in himself to break it.

 

…

 

Until he realized his state of attire.

 

“Oh crap!” 

 

Slamming his front door closed he turned and ran like he’d never run before into his bedroom.

 

Throwing the towel to wherever towels when when you no longer cared for them, he rushed to throw on some boxer-briefs and a t shirt before he faintly recognized the sound of more knocks resonating from his front door.

 

“Shit shit shit shit shit!”

 

Pulling on lounge pants and almost tripping twice, he ran back towards his front door and opened it again, leaning suavely against the door frame and trying to reclaim any state of cool and collected he thought he owned.

 

“Haha hey! Been a while…” Hand slipping on the doorframe he abruptly slipped and almost smacked his face into his door frame before he tried to recover his composure.

 

“Eh uh come in!” Yelling the last words and cringing away anything that was shame or embarrassment, Adrien swept back and gestured to his apartment.

 

Looking up he saw her shell-shocked face as she slowly entered his apartment and he mentally berated himself on his “suave” moves. 

 

_ Frick my life… _

 

**oOo**

 

Slowly walking into  _ his _ apartment and mentally reminding herself not to attack his body and rip his clothing off his body, as it was rude to do that to a fresh set of clothing. Oh, and I guess the dude who found your cat, too.

 

Speaking of…

 

“Uh, where’s Plagg?”

 

This seemed to kick him into drive as he closed the door a bit quickly before jogging off into his home with a bit of what sounded like a scream.

 

“Uh…”

 

Walking forward, she tilted and peered into the back rooms of his not-so-humble abode, and was only a bit surprised when he reappeared with her bundle of love propped by his shoulders within his hands.

 

“Baby!” Rushing forward she almost reached him when-

 

“Yes?”

 

Stopping rigidly in her steps she froze, eyes on Plagg.

 

_ Did he just…? _

 

“I-I-I mean! Uh, Yes! Here is Plagg! Your Baby! Not me! Not that you can’t call me that! But shit I mean here’s you cat!” He stepped forward and thrusted the swinging kitten into her face.

 

Completely shocked to silence, Marinette straightened up and quietly took her child from  ~~ her new baby daddy’s ~~ Adrien’s hands. 

 

“Ha uh, thank you for looking after him…”

 

Trailing off he pulled Plagg to her chest and leaned into him when he rubbed his face all over her jaw.

 

“Yeah uh, he brought me pleasure, I mean he brought you to me! I mean it was a pleasure to have him!” Turning akin to a tomato, he pulled a tight smile and tried to just brave through the awkwardness.

 

Thinking back to her mishaps at the club, she decided to take a page out of his book.

 

“Well I’m glad, and some might argue that I am pleasure, so I’d say Plagg did good.” Pulling a sly smile, she broke his startled gaze and began cooing at her purring kitten, completely ignoring his mental panic.

 

The noise a strangled cat might make broke her haze and she glanced up only to see what used to be Adrien replaced by a burning red sun.

 

Welp, she supposed if she was going to kill to boy, might as well be thorough.

 

“Thank you for looking after him,” Turning around she placed Plagg into his carrier, “If you find yourself in need of some, ahem,  _ pleasure _ , do be sure to use my number, yeah?”

 

With holding her laughs, she picked up the carrier and walked towards the door, ignoring the thump as the man finally broke, and closing the door behind a job well done.

 

“Good job for you Mari, now just get him to pay for you college and maybe you’ll be getting somewhere!”

 

It was then that she threw her head back and unabashedly laughed as she left the resident of the formerly functioning Adrien Agreste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so #BreakAdrien2k19
> 
> Also, just for future reference, would y'all prefer if I did more frequent (as in weekly to two a week) updates of small chapters, or less frequent (probably bi-weekly but who knows) updates of longer chapters that will actually break 2500 words, cause both works but I'd like to know the general preference before I continue.
> 
> Like I'd write and post on the schedule of my crack addiction and general public preference, so just lmk.
> 
> Follow my twitter for absolute trash? Just a thought.
> 
> Am I going to keep plugging my twitter without adding my username? You bet I am.

**Author's Note:**

> Fucking wild ride, amirite?
> 
> Maybe follow my twitter, it's going to be as wild as this one honestly, cause it's still my 2am tweeting.


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